Coffee break

Best mates can be ace but just as they enlighten you with joy and understanding, they can also ruin everything. Well, perhaps not everything, but certainly coffee. The simple, if overpriced, act of going out for a delicious latte has been ruined because, to be honest with you, lattes are a bit shit, although I only realised this when NZ-living KT dragged me* to Flat White on Soho's Berwick Street and made me sup on an actual flat white. With one taste, coffee imbibing would never be the same again, and I would like to thank our antipodean cousins for caring enough about the bean to conjure such delicious alchemy as to reveal Starbucks to be peddlers of coffee-esque cordial.
Not long after this epiphany, I discovered Monmouth Coffee, the beautiful purveyor of delicious coffee in both Covent Garden and in the heart of London's food mecca, Borough Market,

It's where the beautiful and caffeine-bereft go to redress the balance, 

 

...to share stylish thoughts and titter knowingly at hidden meanings in highbrow text.

But luckily, they let plebs like me in too.

Sadly, I thought that a decent coffee was the preserve of the black-lunged folk of our capital city, but the good word seems to have infiltrated the shires too and the God of Coffee has bestowed His Magical Elixir a little closer to my home, at least. Behold - The Black Dog Cafe:

Apologies for the rubbish pics: I was using my new phone and hadn't quite got to grips with it. However, what I can say is that the coffee was delicious: they use Monmouth beans so it's a quality cup of deliciousness. The staff are uber friendly and if you're feeeling peckish, they have a good selection of fodder (menus available on their website.)

Ok, so they haven't embraced latte art, but the taste is delicious, wholesome and invigorating. It's a small independent cafe in an area of Tunbridge Wells that is stoically independent, slightly bohemian and without the cloud of snobbery that hampers so much of what is wonderful in that town, so I urge you to go to keep that spirit alive. The coffee is wonderful: why would you not go?!

Can I just state that my coffee snobbery hasn't extended to home...yet, although I do prefer a freshly brewed cuppa as opposed to instant...


However, I certainly wouldn't judge a friend who gave me a cup of instant unfavourably: drinking at home and drinking out are different experiences. Granted, they don't need to be, thanks to readily-available coffee machines, mail-order beans and youtube instructionals. But coffee in a friend's kitchen, good banter and a welcoming face can elevate even the shoddiest instant cuppa into something celebratory, the oil to grease the wheels of conversation if it should be needed. As long as there are cookies or cake, you can give me any old sluice. Which leads me neatly to...

This recipe is a bastardization of one from The Borough Market Book, which is in turn a version of a recipe by Sara-Jayne Stanes, author of the promising-sounding 'Chocolate: the Definitive Guide'. Now, this tart is everything a chocolate tart should be, although those attributes may seem contradictory: crisp, smooth, sweet and sharp. Use as strong a chocolate as you prefer, but not milk chocolate. I admit that, despite my earlier witterings, I did use instant coffee just because I couldn't be bothered to brew some espresso, but as long as you have a couple of tablespoons of strong black coffee, it doesn't really matter which type it is: it's just there to give the chocolate a bit of balls (technical term).

Wooahhh Mama! Chocolate Tart 'o' Joy!

Pastry:

90g plain flour

50g cocoa powder

80g unsalted butter

30g ground almonds

60g golden caster sugar

1 large egg (free-range, natch, yet beaten)

Filling:

240g plain chocolate (I used 70% cocoa)

60g unsalted butter

3 large eggs, separarted

90g golden caster sugar

6 tablespoons double cream

2 desertspoons strong coffee

• butter and flour a suitable ovenproof dish: mine was a shallow ceramic one, measuring 7.5"x11", though my book specifies a 9" round flan tin
• first, make the pastry: in a large bowl, sieve together the flour and cocoa powder
• add the sugar, ground almonds and stir together
• cube the butter, add to the powdery mixture and rub together with fingertips only to create a chocolatey crumble
• add the beaten egg to bind it all together in a ball of doughy promise, wrap in clingfilm and pop in the fridge for 30 minutes (or 24 hrs and 30 mins in my case as I forgot I was going out...)
• on a lightly floured surface, attempt to roll out thinly to a size suitable for your dish
• attempt to hoist the rolled dough into the greased receptacle, tutting as random shapes drip off your rolling pin Dali-style before exclaiming 'Oh fuck this' and popping pieces of rolled dough into the dish, squidging the seams together until it is fully lined and respectable looking
• pop the mangled case into the fridge for another 30 mins
• preheat the oven to 200C / 400F / Gas 6
• line the case with foil, cover with baking beans or dried beans (that you are not hoping to cook later) and bake blind for 15 minutes
• remove the beans and foil and bake again for another 15 mins
• now make the filling: melt the chocolate and butter together and allow to cool
• whisk the egg whites to form soft glacial peaks
• in another bowl, whisk together the yolks and sugar until frothy
• add the double cream and coffee to the bubblesome yolks and stir gently and respectfully
• pour in the buttery chocolate and using your respectful spoon, marry it all together
• fold in the egg whites with reverance...oh  and a big metal spoon
• pour into the tart case, even out and bake for 20-25 mins 
• allow to cool and serve with cream, ice cream or a good mate and weak-ass coffee (though delicious coffee of groovy brewing would be better)

 Such was the potency of its' deliciousness, I completely forgot to take a photo of it, so you'll have to make do with this sadly executed digital scribble which, however, is a pretty accurate representation:

*dragged me, my arse: we skipped as if we were on the yellow brick road.  
 

For further caffeine inspiration, why not follow The Guardian's helpful trail, or perhaps plough your way through Time Out's comprehensive list. The fabulous Cosy Coffee Shops blog produced a top 10 in January of the UK's best coffee shops, which, Hurrah!, also includes places outside of the London sprawl. It also includes some fabulous coffee shops from around the world as they are currently 'on tour'.

Panic and Brownies

I don't know about you, but I reckon that if you are going to break a New Year's resolution, you should do it properly by, metaphorically, slapping its arse whilst laughing at its shoes: 'Blog each week?! *slap* Methinks not! And by the way, your shoes are repugnant! MUHUHAHAHA' or something like that...

I just don't want you to get bored of me...


Any potential stalkers out there? Well allow me to give you a headstart and tell you where I'll be on Saturday 6th December:

Ok, Jesus and his Dad may have something about this rather bold claim, but it is in fact the name for a group of rather fabulous designers and makers, myself included, who will be selling their wares from 11-5pm at The American Church, 79a Tottenham Court Road, W1T 5TD. Read all about it here. I expect to see you there, or else a note from your parent, on my desk the following Monday.


I have been busy since we last met: honest! I've made these:

This lemur one was a commission from a chum at work , and it inspired me to make more. (I have a similar one for a tea drinker with exquisite taste in my shop.)

I haven't listed this one yet...I don't know why (must have been distracted by something shiny) It will therefore escort me to WeMake.

The Union of Craft Tea Cosy
(sold, but I will recreate its' patriotic joy at some point)

lavender hearts (3 available in the shop)

brooches for WeMake (apart from the centre one, which is for this)

I believe in magic! I bought this size 10 linen skirt at my local flea market for one whole pound, for the fabric obviously (unless I was hoping to find another one in order to make trousers, I think that would be obvious) and asked the utterly gorgeous, uber stylish and ridiculously talented Abi Bansal if she could perform fabric alchemy and turn my base metal skirt into a gold tunic.

I love it, oh, everso. It hangs beautifully, the pockets are practical and at just the right height to pop your hands in comfortably for those moments that require sullen ambivalence, and / or lip balm storage. Check out her shop and her beautiful, inspiring blog and be touched by the Blessing of the Bansal: its what your life has been missing, quite frankly.

I've also made some tea towels (long story: all will be revealed soon) for those brand, spanking new group of craft renegades, ukhandmade. (who very kindly did a 'Spotlight' on me!) They're from a recipe by Lotta Jansdotter's 'Simple Sewing' and, whilst I know there is something 'Oh dear! Mum needs to start taking her pills again!' about making your own tea towels, they rock long and they rock hard. Admit it: you'd have them:

...and you'd be right too.

Ok, the 'Panic' in the title of this post refers to me getting ready for WeMake. (expect a minimalist style from the House of yumptatious...) Therefore, it is now time for brownies. (I know that's the real reason you're here.) But I warn you: if you are on a diet, navigate away from the page (unless, of course, you have a moment of clarity, in that you realise that your life will only improve, not when your thighs cease to rub together when you walk, but when you appreciate just how lucky you are to have any form of body at all, and that to waste life trying to conform to some narrow concept of beauty is futile, when you could be enjoying the warmth and joy that life, and a willing partner, are waiting to cloak you in.)

This is based on a recipe by Elisabeth Luard and is from the October edition of my favourite porn mag, Country Living. (I know its wrong, but I can't help myself...)
I have lost count how many times I have made this recipe already, at first, slavishly following the instructions (apart from the 75g chocolate: what is the point of leaving the last 25g?! Thwack it all in!) to what I do now: mixing it all in one pan.
I have used the strongest Green + Blacks chocolate and also Sainsbury's economy dark chocolate and it all works, baby! Just don't ever, EVER use cooking chocolate! As my beautiful, and very to-the-point chum, Vera once said to me, with a look of shock and disgust, 'Why?!?! Use real chocolate!' She is wise, and I haven't looked back since. (well, I did reverse round a corner last week...)
It also works with demerera sugar I discovered last week, after I ran out of caster sugar (when we run out of caster sugar, I have the same look of panic in my eyes when that my Mum used to have when she ran out of garlic: one part confusion mixed with two parts of fear. This shows just how much my Mum used/s garlic in her cooking, rather than reveal a fear of vampires.)
It works equally well with unsalted butter or cheap(ish) sunflower spread. (as long as you don't used reduced fat spreads, because they just don't do the job.)
And don't bother melting your chocolate and butter in a bowl over a pan of boiling water: I just melt it together in the pan: aah, bite me!
Ms Luard's recipe uses hazelnuts, but good old walnuts work well. I wager that pecans would be most edifying too, whatwhat.

Please feel free to print this off and put it on your fridge for ease of use. Personally, I'd be tempted to have it tattooed onto the inside of my eyelids, but I'm just a martyr to the baking cause.

The 'Surely there should be more effort involved?!' Brownies.

100g dark chocolate
125g chopped butter (it melts easier in small pieces) or 125g scooped margarine (you could possibly melt it by breathing on it: why not give it a go...)
250g caster sugar (or whatever sugar you have: its all good)
2 eggs
100g self raising flour
100g walnuts (or any nut that curries your favour)

Heat oven to 190oc / gas mark 5

Melt together the chocolate and butter, maverick style, straight in the pan over a medium heat.

Allow to cool slightly. (just the time it takes to either make a cup of tea, look for and download an obscure song from iTunes, or log onto Etsy, click on 'Community', then click on 'Forums', find the UK chat hidden away in 'Etc' and type in 'I'd have to disagree. I was quite ill for days as a result' and log out instantly.)

Add the sugar to the chocolate melaaaange and beat together.

Add the eggs to the sweet chocolate melaaaange and beat together.

Add the flour to the eggy, sweet, chocolate melaaaange and beat together.

Add the nuts to the flour-enriched, eggy, sweet, chocolate melaaaange and beat together.

Line a 20cm square tin (or the nearest you've got: I'm not a tin fascist) in the style of your choosing (I use reuseable Teflon liners, but thats just how I roll) and pour in the hip-enhancing goop.

Bake for 25 mins.

Cut into squares and allow to cool. I put mine in the fridge after about 20 mins to harden up the chocolate. I store them in there rather than storing them in a tin.

I know this is hard, but try not to eat the lot on your own, especially if you've used a powerful cocoa-charged chocolate, as you may get a little buzzy.

This is my gift to you: use it wisely.