Stuff and nonsense

First things first: this Sunday, the 22nd June, a group of fabulously talented makers are getting together near Convent Garden to unleash their creative produce to the world. Its called WeMake, and you need to be there, armed with money and hungry for gorgeousness. You can find out about it on their blog here.
I'm going up to support rather than have a stall. If you see me, do come and say hello and drag me for coffee and cake, not that I'll need much persuading if there are refreshments involved.

Speaking of cake, I've been a bit of a Domestic Goddess recently, if I do say so myself, thanks largely to this fantabulous cookbook. Here's an example of the joy that book can bring:

the ones with purple splodges are cherry (use frozen cherries for ease and welcoming moistness), yogurt and oat and the others are spiced apple and walnut.

The book is wondrous: the recipes are easy to follow, the combinations of flavours are tasty and not outlandish and the results are consistent. Its the kind of book people buy firstly for themselves, and then come back and buy many for friends and family. Its so good, my best mate KT had it sent over from Hastings to her new home in New Zealand as she missed it so.

On the crafting front, sometimes it pays to rethink and re-do a project. I had made some fabric hearts, stuffed with polyfil, as general decorative fripperies. They sat, unloved in my shop, until I suddenly saw the obvious need and re-stuffed them with some calming lavender. I very quickly sold two! Hurrah! I have some more: you need them, your socks need them, let alone your pants. They're in the shop now! (I keep them in a tupperware-style box, determined to keep the freshness in) They're kinda cute, just this side of Cath Kidston, and quite normal for me!



I was recently commissioned by a chum at work to make something for his girlfriend's birthday. She loves lemurs and he wanted to give her a pouch (zip up purse / make-up / oddment bag) that lovingly empathised with her love of this Madagascan inhabitant.
So, after some preliminary sketches


I came up with this:


He loved it but more importantly, so did she. Even more importantly, it started a chain reaction which linked in with some ideas I'd had in my sketchbook:


and these lead to the creation of these beauties:

top left (sold): "aint nowt wrong with my girlie crap", top right: "aint nowt wrong with loving cake", bottom left: "tea, coffee, wine and beer - its all good" and bottom right: "aint nowt wrong with loving a chicken"

All this creativity needs replenishing, and at times like this, despite her teeth-itching (cheers Maose for that phrase!) tv performances, Nigella shines through. I adapted her recipe for 'Old Fashioned Chocolate Cake', found in the 'Chocolate Hall of Fame' to be found in the beautiful 'Feast'. She suggests '175g best quality dark chocolate', I suggest Lidl's milk chocolate, 29p for 100g.

Its all good.

Quick round up of my recent reads:

Alice Hoffman 'The Third Angel'. I thoroughly enjoyed this story. We start off with one character, then layers are peeled back to reveal a complex story of intertwining characters, linked in ways that none of them are aware of. The characters on the periphery are far more absorbing than the perceived central character, but discovering the warp and weft (eeh! That textile degree wasn't a waste, Mum!) of their stories is ultimately very satisfying. The settings, both physical and in time, are beautifully evocative, but then I'm a sucker for anything set in the 50's and 60's: if its well written, I see it in black and white, in a cloud of innocence and cigarette smoke. I'd love to know what you think.

Nora Ephron 'I Feel Bad About My Neck'. I would recommend this for any woman over 30, and certainly for women over 50. As a 36 year old woman, I want to know that there is life, and it is fun, and it is positive, as I get older. Would-be role models fall prey to plastic surgery and the ridiculous concept that a youthful face is wrinkle free and immobile. As the mother of a rather beautiful teenager, let me remind you that a youthful face is incredibly animated and full of wonder, however much they try and mask it with an air of boredom and cynicism- wrinkles make not a jot of difference. Any hoots, this is a smart, sassy perceptive and honest read, as you'd expect from the writer of 'When Harry met Sally'. It oozes positivity, not in a hippy drippy Louise L Hay kind-of-a-way, but in a beautiful, down-to-earth way. If you've ever had ovaries, or you've ever met someone who has, read it.

Meg Wolitzer 'The Ten Year Nap'. I loved this book deeply. Certain lines in this book were written just for me and me alone I am sure. The woman has opened up my brain, assessed how I feel about being a woman, wife, mother, human, and peppered her story with nuggets of wisdom to remind me that I'm doing ok and that I should stop beating myself up all the time for not being all that I should be. If you're a mother, read this. If you think that one day, you'll have children, read this, because anyone who tells you your life won't change when you have children is lying! The story centres around one character, Amy, then pans out to encompass all her friends. Each has a different take on the notion of motherhood and how it has affected them. I love the idea of 'The Ten-Year Nap': women all over the world are suddenly woken up by the growing independence of their offspring, revealing the woman that was there before ante-natal checks, urine samples and more internal examinations than are strictly necessary: 'Oh shit! I'm still here: a whole lot wider, a little wiser, but I still have my sense of humour and, despite an appalling recall for names, my brain still seems to be working...So what now?!'

On a completely different tangent, I'm currently reading George Melly's autobiographical trilogy and also this anthology of Dave Allen, and am thoroughly enjoying them both. (you can 'hear' them narrate: it is impossible to read without hearing their particular vocal inflections.) I'll let you know how me and the boys get on!


PS: thanks, hugs and the promise of cake to Bee and Maose for their nagging: I'll try and blog more, but, if you enjoy the read, feel free to nag more! :-)

While my mojo gently sleeps

Things have not been to good for me on the creative front of late: nothing major, I just seem to have misplaced my creative juices. Hopefully, they haven't evaporated but have concentrated into a thickly aromatic jus that just needs water added at a later date to reactivate the crafty goodness (I've been reading far too many cookbooks; can you tell?!) Thats why I haven't been blogging or going into the Etsy forums as I have nothing new to show you, no new WIP's, and I feel like a bit of a fraud. But I have some ideas bubbling away that have started my brain cells ticking, so watch this space. Its been school hols over the last 2 weeks, so I'm hoping to get stuck in to some creative shenanigans next week. I can't remember if I'd mentioned this before, (apologies if I have: go and put the kettle on and I'll try to be brief) but my 'studio' is the kitchen in our teeny Edwardian (Victorian?) mid terrace cottage. Its a busy room, full of baking, music, chat, homework and never-ending washing up. Its hard to sustain a creative flow here whilst looking after a family and I get very frustrated. Hopefully, we'll be able to move and yumptatious can have its own space. (If you would like to buy a beautiful, 2-bed house in Tonbridge, do let me know!)

But I have been reading....
I've spoken about the possible perks of working in a bookshop before, but failed to mention this extremely generous gift from Ian McEwan to all Waterstone's employees:

The inscription on the inside reads,

'Congratulations to all at Waterstone's for a quarter of a century of brilliant service to readers'

To be honest, I didn't instantly jump at the chance to devour this book: I had tried, unsuccesfully to read 'Atonement' but could not get into it. I think I gave up when I got to the point where the young girl gazes in wonderment at her hand...for a whole page... I just kept thinking, 'I could be dead tomorrow and am wasting these precious moments that I will never get back, over a book I feel I should read but has failed to engage me on any level'. I will give it another go at some point, but from chatting to others, I think he is an author that strongly divides readers. The last time I saw such strength of feeling was over 'One Hundred Years of Solitude', a book you either adore with a passion usually reserved for George Clooney, Daniel Craig or Green and Blacks chocolate, or hate it, with an equally strong passion usually reserved for Anthea Turner, Avid Merrion or Brussel Sprouts. I hated the book and hurled it across the room with venomous aplomb when I finished it.
However, I read a review of 'On Chesil Beach' that roused my interest and so pulled it off the shelves, blew off the dust, removed it from its protective case, spending an unnaturally long time appreciating the chocolate edging of the pages, the burnt bronze embossed seagulls and lettering, and started to read.
It's a beautiful story, at times hilarious in its detailing of post-war embarrassment and social expectations. The characters are both engaging and angrily frustrating at the same time and in this instance, McEwan's eye for detail is enlightening, not stifling. If you are sweet enough to presently be thinking of holding onto your virginity until your wedding night (as if anyone with such morals would read my diatribe!) please read this first! If, like me, you married in black and thus had a carefree honeymoon, read this and feel smug in your sluttish wisdom! Just read this book: its very short, like a concentrated jus!
And thus, the posting circle is complete!

ps. what books would you recommend?


Now playing: Radiohead - Jigsaw Falling Into Place
via FoxyTunes

World Book Day

To celebrate World Book Day, I thought I would share with you some of my favourite books.
Thanks to my lil job in a bookshop, (with its 33% discount, uncorrected proofs and free damaged books) I often come home with more paper goodness than we can safely fit in our teeny house.

There's the main bookshelf,

though its not normally this neat.

There's the floor in the lounge,

cook books in a kitchen cupboard,

kids books all around their bedroom

these are books for 9 years and up

and these are the picture books (don't worry: its a very sturdy shelf)

and at my bedside.

When I need a laugh, I go to this book:

I know he hasn't done a funny film for ages, but this book makes tears of joy and mirth cascade down my plump laughing cheeks.

When I want comfort, I go to this book, a favourite as a child:

'Meal One' by Ivor Cutler, illustrations by the completely marvellous Helen Oxenbury. It is a safe bet to buy any books with her illustrations and I heartily recommend that you do so.

This is a superb book that powerfully conveys the parallels of black American boxers and the fight for black civil rights in the late 50's / early 60's. I'm rather partial to a good boxing match and consider Muhammad Ali as a bit of a god, so come and join the Rumble in the Jungle with me.

Here are my favourite self help books:

'Round Ireland with a Fridge' reminds me that anything is possible, as long as its part of a drunken bet, 'Yes Man' reminds me to take a chance now and then (yet reminds me that a bit of caution can also be a good thing), 'Oh the Places You'll Go!' reminds me that life is an everchanging journey, full of highs and lows, and strange blue houses, and 'Liberation' does exactly what it says on the tin: 'the perfect holistic antidote to stress, depression and other unhealthy states of mind'. Plus, I have a bit of a crush on the good Doc...

This is how I want to live.

I would love to fall into this book and live beautifully with the lovely beautiful people in sepia-land. Lets go camping! (this is how I see the often-talked-about UK Etsy Craft Commune looking)

I would also love to fall into this book,

This is a fabulously evocative account of the groovy side of London during the swinging sixties. Oh to visit the Indica bookshop! I keep meaning to dig out a published copy of this book (this is an uncorrected proof, so it has none of its final illustrations.) Mind you, it is written clearly enough that the words provide very clear pictures in themselves.

My favourite book on fashion:

Despite loving Robert Elms' radio show on BBC London, this book didn't really scream at me as something I had to read: mmm, men's fashion....zzzzzzzz. But when I found a damaged copy at work going for free (there's a rip on the front cover: that's all) I gave it a go and fell quickly and deeply in love. The man's love and respect for clothes is infectious, the way he remembers tiny little details and why those details were so important.

This was my Dad's which I stole from him years ago. (you know the way teenagers do, when they believe that their parents, living only in order to look after their offspring, relinquish any property rights on their possessions: 'What's yours is mine and can I have a tenner?') I have memorised every line and shade, every nuance of pen stroke, so perhaps I can give it back... in a few years time...

and this gem is from Ronald Searle's truly dark and deranged, and utterly wonderful, St Trinians. (please erase all memory of the recent film):

'I'll just die and then you'll be sorry.'
Awww, bless!


Happy World Book Day people!


(I'm reading this, written by her)

Welcome to my Jam Hostel!

Jam Hostel?! Yes: either that, or Mr Yumptatious has sneakily been writing on my forehead 'Please give me homemade jam' whilst I am at one with my slumbers. Again. How else can I explain the current (currant? ouch!) trend of friends giving me homemade jam? I'm not complaining, although I expect to be surfing a wave of sugar for the next few months, so should we meet, don't let the sugar-fuelled tremors scare you. You may want to keep me away from kettles, small children and the elderly (not because I might damage them, just I never know what to say to old people and I may accidently bore them to death with my lack of sparkling repartee. Unless they're into the 'Mighty Boosh' and the early films of Woody Allen, in which case we'll be fine n dandy!)

For those you with short attention spans, here's the first bunch of jam orphans put up for adoption by the wonderful, yet ruthless Helen:

I love their gingham hats! Hamish ate all the quince
jelly: the ONLY jam he likes. I haven't tried the
redcurrant yet.

delicious breakfast of fresh coffee, multigrain bagel with butter and loganberry jam

A decent jam demands a decent jam spoon: this was given to me (and all the other pupils) at primary school to commemorate the wedding of Charles and Di in 1981.
First person to tell me they weren't born then buys me a car.

I then felt suitably jammed up to actually make something!

A Valentine wip (not literally...but its an idea....)

After going through my blog list (not on here but on a now deleted list in my 'Bookmarks') I came across a recipe for some sweet evil, which, of course, I had to make myself. I would post a link, but to be honest, I can't remember where I saw it, but google 'pretzel rolo' and you'll discover it features in many blogs. Fearful as I am of original thought, here is my effort:

do you think I overdid the photo with the Cath Kidston plate and crushed velvet? I tried to get a couple of songbirds to sit near the plate but they were preoccupied with a forgotten glitterball hanging forlornly from a dusty old anglepoise lamp.

Here's how to make them:

1. preheat oven to 180oc (I have no idea what gas mark that is)
2. put pretzels onto a lined baking sheet
3. realise that the reason the pretzels are in the 'be good to yourself' range is because they are half the size of normal pretzels. Put 2 pretzels side by side.
4. break up a bar of Sainsburys (or any other own brand) chocolate caramel. (there was a Rolo drought in Tonbridge earlier on this week. I guess.) Put one square on a pretzel twin set. Marvel at just how small the pretzels really are.
5. thwack the goods in the oven. Leave them for about 5 mins but keep checking every 5 seconds for signs of extreme meltdown.
6. remove from oven just after extreme meltdown has occured: if you haven't said 'ahhh, bollocks!' when you've opened the oven door, you're too early. Great cooking must have an air of failure about it (besides, the burnt caramel tastes delicious when cooled and peeled from the tray)
7. get your pecans (ooops! forgot to say that you need pecans. Grab anything to hand: Smarties, walnuts, aspirin etc) and squidge one into each chocolate evil, but not too hard else there will be projectile caramelling.
8. put in the fridge and leave to cool.
9. pace the kitchen for an hour. Every 10 seconds, open the fridge door and poke the nearest evil with your finger to see if its set. You may want to ask your evils questions for the last 10 minutes such as 'Are you ready yet?!', 'How do I know when you're ready?' and 'Feeling lucky today, punk?!'
10. eat straight off baking sheet, preferably before the kids / husband /dietician comes home.

Yesterday, the beautiful and marvellous KT came over with a hamper of homemade wonders and shop-bought trinkets-'o'-joy:

she had filled it with tissue so it looked all profesh and snuggly but I heartlessly put it in the recycling.
The big jar has Sunset Chai mix in it from the Happy Campers book (see my book list) and the jams are cranberry, apple + blackberry, plum+ apple, and pumpkin + ginger.

We then spent the afternoon doing what we have always done best: eat, drink tea and talk: bliss!

delicious fresh Scotch eggs with KT's spiced plum chutney, my evil brownies



KT's white chocolate and cranberry cookies: you cannot have just one. Or just five. I think she's put drugs in them: something addictive like crack or Calpol.

So who's coming round for tea next?

Happy New Year and all that jazz

OK: its a new year and with it come implausible promises of self-improvement and life enhancement. This year, mine are quite simple:

1. I shall blog every Friday, unless the computer dies, my fingers fall off, I lose my memory and exist in some strange 'Desperately Seeking Susan'-style parallel universe (set in the 80's when the t'interweb was but a geeks wet dream, therefore I wouldn't know what the heckadoodle a 'blog' was, let alone have the technological means to write one), or I don't want to. Or a combination of the above.
2. I will not lose weight, but I aim to increase my fitness level. This shouldn't be too tricky as I am doing nowt at the mo. My mind is less likely to implode when I get my body moving, so this would be a good idea.
3. I will not attempt to grow my hair long. It will never be as thick as it was when I was a kid, and therefore I will always be disappointed.
4. I will NOT stop dyeing it: I know I'm 36 but I am NOT ready for grey hair. Yet.
5. I need to gain some self control over my brain: my current 5 minute attention span is not doing me any favours. Any suggestions?
6. I will push my own creative boundaries, maaaan. This doesn't mean that the house of yumptatious will be full of items that make you gasp 'How the hell did she do that?!' but will be full of things I'm trying out.
7. I should pin my Mum down and get her to teach me to knit and crochet. Again. I think this may be the 4th time...
8. I will attempt to read more books (see point 5)
9. I will try and remember people's birthdays and send/make cards and gifts.
10. I will attempt to celebrate things more: life is short, it is often tedious and frustrating so lets make a big effort and a happy, colourful fuss for those times when it isn't!

Now please charge your mugs and join me in a toast:

Happy New Year!!!

I've been tagged!

The wondrous Alabamawhirly has tagged me. As the Queen of Procrastination, I relish the chance not to do what I should be doing.

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself: some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them).
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.

My 7 facts:

1) I am the youngest, and only girl, in a family of 5 children. This explains a) why I am so girly (hahahaha!) and why I only have 2 children.

2) My pet hate at work (Waterstone's) is customers bringing their coffee into the shop. Think about it: what happens to paper when it gets wet?! We have to get rid of a lot of books that custies have used as coasters. Bring coffee in on my watch and I will send your arse outside: I don't care if you know what you want, I don't care if its raining: respect your coffee and give it the love and attention it deserves, BUT NOT IN A BOOKSHOP! I can't repair the books if someone accidently knocks into you, causing you to fling your latte over the art table.

3) I have 2 tattoos

4) In my final year at uni, whilst discussing my final brief with my tutor ('Mother Earth: a collection of woven fabrics in natural yarns') I informed him that I would show my devotion to the maternal theme by attending the degree show pregnant. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was. I looked great at graduation: cap, gown and 7 month bump.

5) I love chocolate but not chocolate flavoured stuff ie cake, ice cream

6) I love swearing. I like to mix them up when angry ie 'Bollocky shitty fuck monkey'. 'Cunt' neither shocks or offends me: me and a friend reclaimed it and use it as a term of affection.

7) I wore black at my wedding.

Now I have to share the love and tag 7 others:

1) Janet Bell: I love her paintings deeply
2) Udder: because I like her style
3) Stitchy McYarnpants: because her blog is a work of genius
4) a path no wider than a pencil stroke: I love her paintings deeply too!
5) Mister Rob Ryan: because I like the cut of his gib
6) Rivulette: because I'm nosy (and her work is lush too)
7) we are all angry: I love her needle-felting. And she duct-taped her car: genius!

Sorry guys!

Captain Sporadic strikes again!

As the sun lowers in the sky, creating sharp shadows behind everything it strikes, I have finally got around to bringing you my latest round of procrastinating gubbins (because, surely it would be better if I just got on with stuff than merely document it?...)
Since I last posted, I have been making and doing. The beautiful Nicky commissioned 2 pinnies for 2 equally creative chums. They had loved the 'utility pinny' I had made Nicky for her birthday so hopefully they'll be chuffed with their own. The pinnies are lined and the pockets are lined and large to make them hardwearing. The three of them work in films and theatre, making costumes and props and so need to carry a whole heap of useful stuff about. I made three to give Nicky the choice and so have one spare: I should re-do the photos and thwack it on Etsy.

Wotcha think?

one size fits all

I also made my boy wonder his own apron:

It won't stay this clean for long

I made some 'variations on a theme' felt flower badges:

...some bags (available for your purchasing pleasure over in my shop)



And after a bloody decent haircut, committed potential hair suicide all in the name of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' and its midnight release. (I'm not even a full time bookslave: I work every Saturday and one Sunday a month.)















From this (its flat cos its clean + fluffy) via this















to 'oh! I look ok!'



Ladies and Gents: may I present Tonks.

I was put in charge of keeping the crowd entertained: I hate being asked to do that, and it is always me that's asked, just 'cos I'm a gobshite. Apparently, Alan Rickman was in the queue but luckily for him, I didn't see him. It took ages for me to realise why he didn't want to be spotted: being a fan of the books, I find the films annoying (admittedly, I've only seen the first 2. I will see the others, if only because I love Michael Gambon, and I think Gary Oldman would make a fab Sirius) and so my initial thought on Mr Rickman was 'Hans Gruber was here?!'
Still: how cool is that, having Snape at your shop?!
If you haven't read 'The Deathly Hallows': WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!?!!! (and don't give me any of this crap about it being a children's book: a good tale is a good tale)

I'm hoping to re-launch yumptatious soon and have been busy working on different ideas by actually using my sketchbook (shocking).



Etsy isn't going all that brilliantly (1 whole item sold. Better than nowt...) but I think, to be honest, I haven't put as much of my own ideas into my work as I should: they need to be a bit more personal, a bit more me. I was pleased with these purses and am going to carry on with this applique style

get them while they're hot here

One of my Flickr groups is Crafting 365, run by the fabulous Lupin, the idea being that you have to post evidence of your crafting shenanigans every day. I thought it would be a good idea, to keep me going, but I am Captain Sporadic, so it can be a bit hit and miss. Its like working to get your homework in on time!

I'm busy getting stock ready for Christmas so its sock monkey a-go-go here. Nige is going to show me how the heckadoodle to use Photoshop once and for all and then I can make the things of loveliness I've been hankering to do for an age. I will try not to rip his head off in frustration.

I think you're now up to speed: any questions at the back?

Now playing: Gomez - Blue Moon Rising
via FoxyTunes